O.k., you're standing there all alone at a party and in the far
corner of the room your boyfriend is talking to some groovy
chick. She's coming onto him and much to your dismay, he doesn't
seem to be bragging about all how happy he is in his
relationship with you. In fact, he even seems to be encouraging
and indulging the shameless slattern's disgusting, desperate,
gall-filled pleas for sexual attention. So you a) burst into
tears and run from the room b) go up to him and drape yourself
around his neck so she can't miss the fact that you and him are
"together" or c) stand there and repeatedly tap his shoulder
with your finger going "Um honey, honey, honey, I have to talk
to you ... until he finally is forced to turn around and scream
in your face "WHAT!"
Actually, none of the above are the right answers.
Unfortunately, the minute you display jealousy, you convey
neediness and insecurity and according to Jungian psychiatrist
William Rock Penfield, people of both sexes find this extremely
unattractive in a partner. What they really find attractive is
something called "the unattainable." That is why your boyfriend
is flirting with the gorgeous interloper in the first place. He
knows he belongs to you and therefore she becomes attractive
because she is unattainable. Another reason we flip out, and
become jealous is because we know we've already been "attained".
The person knows he already "has you" so there is nothing to
chase... no thrill to the hunt... the cupid's arrow has already
met its mark and now you are about as sexually exciting as a
carcass thrown in a burlap sack.
No,the best thing for you to do in such a situation, is to
mirror his behaviour. Make yourself unattainable. Replace
thoughts like "No, no, no ....please don't do this to me." and "
Please, please. Stop. Stop flirting with him!" to "Oh so you
think you have this relationship in the bag do you.... while
here's me brushing my breasts up against your best friend's arm
and here's me batting my eyelashes at that guy you hate and
here's me smiling and waving at you like nothing's wrong ...
nothing at all!" Make like you're the wild unpredicatable one
--like what he's doing doesn't matter --like you could leave
this party at any minute with his successor. Before you know it,
he'll be the one casting you the anxious looks, as you dirty
dance with the cute guy you just met near the fridge. If he
doesn't, maybe you should consider leaving the party with the
new guy. Or girl.
Because this mirroring trick works on both sexes. What doesn't
work is begging, pleading, crying and trying to blackmail the
person into never doing it again, later, when you get home in
bed. Who wants to be with a needy, whiny jealous person. What a
turnoff!
Category : Organizing
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