Author : Elizabeth Johnson
January brings us all a fresh start. While I love the piney scent of the holidays, I am thrilled that December is over. January will bring some quiet time as I gear up for the busy spring. During this time, I will engage in delicious, non-cerebral activities which will remind me that, in this fresh New Year, I am an active participant in my life and not a doubtful spectator. So, this month instead of making the traditional, trite resolutions consider asking yourself how you might engage more deeply in being a participant in your own life as opposed to a spectator.Dr. John Gottman reminds us in Cheryl Jarvis' super book "The Marriage Sabbatical" that many women have a difficult time pursuing their dreams because they worry about how their dreams might affect others. It is exactly the pursuit of these dreams, however, which allows us to personify the participant life because these actions sustain and refresh us. Taking risks & stretching courage muscles in pursuit of a dream (sky-diving with mom, auditioning with hundreds of others for The Apprentice) always helps self-esteem. We can't become more confident without stretching into our deepest Authentic Self. When we allow other people's lives to become more important than our own, we fall into the easy role of passive spectator. Spectators wait and watch, reluctant to show their vulnerability while participants put aside hesitation and jump in. Who do you want to be?5 ways to really participate in your life-1. Schedule time for fun- The 'schedule' part of this tip is really important for those of us (me) who rely on our planner and calendars (definitely plural) to gauge how our days unfold. For me, if the time isn't scheduled for something that I really want to do, it just won't happen. Knowing this theory of hesitation over discomfort, if it isn't scheduled, it will certainly never happen…simply due to my dithering. Plan it to make it happen.2. Enlist a friend- You likely guessed this one with your eyes closed! I ALWAYS advocate bringing a support team friend to anything. You're more likely to follow through on something if you have someone else counting on you to be there. Having a friend involved also lends you a little more confidence. And, it's more fun to involve someone else, right? Think Scrabble tournaments, team sports, marathon training, road trips, acting auditions, county-wide scavenger hunts.3. Stop worrying about the little things- How much of your worrying is about the small stuff? Instead of worrying about your car seat settings being changed if you need to move the seat (as I did last night, silly me) consider thinking about gratitude instead. When we fill our life with small worries instead of big picture pleasures, we aren't leaving any space for real adventures to surface. Adventures, like creativity, surface when there is space made for them.4.Seize the Day - Avoid postponing participant plans for 'someday'. Someday may never come. Frankly, tomorrow may not come either but tomorrow is a lot closer than someday. Begin the actualization of your great plans today. I realize the fear is more real when you begin today but the degree to which your self-esteem will rise as a result of the immense personal gratification that you gain because of this adventure is well worth the temporary fear.Ask yourself where you were, what you were doing, perhaps even who was with you when you more recently felt truly alive and active in your own life. If you can't remember, stop reading right now and start planning a pleasure party! Host and friends alike, unless they have been to one before, are taking a personal risk. They don't know what to expect, who will see them, what they will be expected to do. Risks all over the place! Guaranteed to make you hoot with laughter and feel super-alive. The adventurous women who accept invitations to pleasure parties are usually participants in their own lives, those who decline are likely spectators. Then ask yourself which role, spectator or participant, feeds your Authentic Self the most. Chances are good you'll find a new addiction – to pleasure!PS. Have an example of a 'truly living life' moment that you'd like to share? Email it to me. I'm compiling a list of examples for inclusion in an upcoming project.Elizabeth Johnson is a Confidence Coach who specializes in women's empowerment through authentic living. Elizabeth helps women recognize that everything in their life is a choice and by putting themselves first, clarifying their passions and values and by building self-confidence, they can have the life that they want. Her business, E. Johnson & Company offers personal growth workshops & seminars, confidence mentoring and custom group programs. Subscribe to Elizabeth's *free* monthly ezine, In The Pink, and receive a *free* copy of her Women & Confidence survey results by visiting her website
http://www.ejohnsonandcompany.com
Keyword : self-esteem; happiness; Authentic Self; confidence building
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